Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were trust falling into bushes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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