i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
