I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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