I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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