So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
