i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
