return my video game
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
