There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
