If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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