yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there was a trapeze. enough said
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
