i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
