I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
