Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
