Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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