I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
