Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
