hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
