I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
