I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
