He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
