you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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