is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
