# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
