so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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