There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
