piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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