I want to stick my p in your. b.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
