if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
