i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
