How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
