I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
