There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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