Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
