I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
