I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
