I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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