But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
