glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
