when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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