he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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