Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
