I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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