he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
