I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
