WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
