I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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