i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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