i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
