Im at strip club and am horny
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
