so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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