once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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