hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
