He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
