I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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