i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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