why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
