And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
