Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
